Whether it was #1 or #2 — or, bless your heart, both — we don't judge. We deliver. Fresh pants and underwear at your door in 90 minutes or less.
Get Emergency Pants NowThree simple steps between you and a fresh pair of pants — no matter which kind of accident brought you here.
Place your order online or by phone. We ask zero questions. Total confidentiality guaranteed.
Our discreet delivery vehicle is immediately dispatched from our Central NJ distribution hub.
Fresh pants and underwear arrive in 90 minutes. Whether it was a #1, a #2, or an ambitious combination — crisis averted. Life resumes.
Straightforward pricing. No hidden fees. No awkward questions. We've heard it all — #1, #2, and everything in between.
Kids' Drop-Off Service
Just tell us where the kid is and we'll get there. Our driver will coordinate with a parent, guardian, or coach at the drop-off point. The van is labeled "laundry" — perfectly normal at any school or sports field. Kids are back in the game in under 90 minutes. No judgment on what kind of accident it was.
Customize any order with add-ons below ↓
Because sometimes the damage is... more extensive. Applies equally to #1 and #2 situations.
For when the situation has escalated beyond the individual. Our professional cleaning crew arrives in a second vehicle, addresses the affected area, and leaves the space smelling like nothing ever happened. We ask no questions. We tell no one. We do not make eye contact.
Includes industrial-grade cleaning agents, odor neutralization, and a second crew member for particularly challenging situations. Must be booked alongside a pants package.
Blends right into any neighborhood. Nobody will ever know.
Our fleet of nondescript vans navigate Central New Jersey around the clock. Neighbors will simply assume you ordered a "laundry" pick-up. Your secret is safe with us. Our drivers are trained in discretion and will never make eye contact unless you want them to.
Every pair of pants, every set of underwear, every sock and shoe in our inventory is hand-selected from Central New Jersey's finest thrift shops. We believe in supporting the local economy — and, frankly, thrift shops have the best selection of "it works and nobody will see you again today" clothing.
Our buyers visit Goodwill, Salvation Army, and local donation centers three times per week to keep our stock fresh, plentiful, and appropriately priced. All garments are inspected and laundered before delivery. Obviously.
Purchasing locally sourced thrift clothing also reduces textile waste. So when you have an accident, you're actually helping the planet. You're welcome, Earth.
We deliver throughout Central New Jersey. If you're not sure — just call. We probably cover you.
Names changed. Situations were not.
"I was at a work conference in Edison. One bad shrimp. Forty minutes later, a man in a van handed me pants through a cracked hotel room door and said nothing. I got a promotion that afternoon. 10/10."
"It was a #1 situation — a big sneeze at exactly the wrong moment. I was mortified. These guys were at my door in 68 minutes with pants, underwear, and zero eye contact. Absolute professionals."
"I added the clean-up kit and I'm not exaggerating when I say the scented candle saved my marriage. Fast, discreet, life-changing. Worth every penny."
"My son had a #2 situation at his soccer game in South Brunswick. I called, the van showed up, the coach thought it was a laundry pickup. My son scored two goals in the second half. Hero service."